Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all
When the going gets tough, the tough, take a coffee break
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY
Punctuality is a pipe dream
Succeed in spite of management
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment
We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day
You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you
Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore
I think people put wedding rings on their ring finger because since you can't adjust the ring, when you get divorced it's hard to get off so it hurts!
Tyler, age 9
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Hi, nice site, good work! Thank you!
I wish I were a glow worm a glow worm is never glum, because how could you be unhappy when the sun shines out your bum?
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...Blizzard Blue.
My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.
I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.
Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage
Some may say "the glass is half full" others may say "the glasss is half empty", but the irish will always say "are you gunna drink that?"
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who eat many prunes, sit on toliet many moons.
if your house on fire,call me,and we'll warm ourself by it!
Life is like a box of shit. You know what you are getting and it stinks!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.