Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden
I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming
I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related to myself. I have a 12-year-old daughter. She takes after my daddy. She ought to. She's his
A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.
I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me
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