It´s funny- the ppl. who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. -Jack Handy
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.
ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait.
G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.
Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!
Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
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